BDSM Explaining it ........

Explaining BDSM to a new lover who may not know what it is, or even a friend. How to bring it up without "scaring" them


So let's start with an analogy, a child's game. In the kids game, 'Trust Me' one person stands behind the other. The one in front falls backward, trusting the other to catch them before crashing to the floor. 'Trust Me' contains an element of danger, the risk of not getting caught and getting hurt. The person falling places great trust in the person catching. When the falling player trusts the catcher enough to let go completely, and the catch happens as planned, both players experience a moment of exhilaration that’s difficult to duplicate any other way.




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It’s About Trust

BDSM is similar. The myth is that it’s abusive and weird whips and chains.

Actually it’s about trust. When trust trumps the possibility of harm, the result can feel incredibly intimate and erotic.

There are several terms for BDSM:
Domination-submission (D/s) because one lover has control over the other, at least nominally; sado-masochism (SM), which involves spanking, flogging or other types of intense sensation; and bondage and discipline (BD), which involves restraint. But the current term is BDSM.

Many people consider BDSM perverted, dehumanizing, or worse. But aficionados call it the most loving, nurturing, intimate form of human contact and play. People can have sex without conversation, negotiation, or any emotional connection. But in BDSM, the players always arrange things in advance with clear, intimate communication, which creates a special erotic bond.


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Just another way to make love

But all available evidence shows that the vast majority of BDSM enthusiasts are mentally healthy and typical in every respect, except that they find “vanilla” sex unfulfilling and want something more intense and intimate.

Before condemning BDSM, remember that not too long ago, oral sex and homosexuality were considered “perverse.”

Two to three percent of American adults play with BDSM, most occasionally, some often, and a few 24/7. That’s around 5 million people. Meanwhile, around 20 percent of adults report some arousal from BDSM images or stories.

There are public BDSM clubs and private groups in every major metropolitan area and throughout rural America. Many cities have several.

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Never Abusive

If you’re repulsed by BDSM, don’t play that way. But BDSM imagery pervades society. Henry Kissinger once called power “the ultimate aphrodisiac.” Kings and nations have fought to dominate others. Capitalism assumes a dog-eat-dog world where succeeding means exerting control.

And in sports, players strive to “humiliate” opponents.

But what kind of person feels sexually aroused by pain? Many people who are perfectly normal in every other respect. Again, consider sports: When football players make brilliant plays, teammates often slap their butts, punch them, or slap their helmets. Recipients accept this “abuse” gratefully as a sign of appreciation and affection. Or consider a hike up a mountain. You get sunburned. Thorns scratch your legs. And by the time you reach the summit, you’re aching and exhausted. Yet you feel exhilarated.

Sadly, media BDSM has grossly distorted the pain that submissives experience. It’s more theatrical than real. When performed by ethical, nurturing Dominants, BDSM is never abusive.

It’s always consensual, abuse is not. You don’t need restraints, gags, or whips to abuse someone. In loving hands, the equipment heightens sensual excitement, allowing both players to enjoy their interaction, or “scene,” as good, clean, erotic fun.

When BDSM inflicts real pain, it’s always carefully controlled with the submissive specifying limits clearly beforehand.

Subs are very particular about the kinds of pain. Many prefer to call it an intense sensation that brings them pleasure. They experience the pain of bee stings or a punch in the face exactly like anyone else, and dislike it just as much.

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Safe Words

BDSM is more theatrical than real. Sessions are called “scenes” and participants carefully plan their moves in advance.

First, participants agree on a “safe” word, a stop signal that the sub can invoke at any time. The safe word immediately stops the action, at least until the players have discussed the reason the bottom said it, and have to mutually agree to resume. A popular safe word is “red light.”



Some terms should not be used as safe words: “stop,” “no,” or “don’t” because both Doms and subs often enjoy having subs “beg” Doms to “stop,” knowing that they won’t.

Any Dom who fails to honor pre-arranged safe words violates the subs trust and destroys the relationship. Doms who fail to honor safe words are ostracized from the BDSM community.


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Subs are in charge

Although subs desire being submissive and letting another take charge of them, the irony of BDSM is that the sub is in charge. Bottoms can invoke the stop signal, and Doms vow to obey immediately.

Meanwhile, Doms act Dominant, but they must also be caring and nurturing, taking bottoms to their agreed-upon limit, but never beyond it. Doms do not force any submissive into submission. They nurture the submissive, gain their trust and prove that the Dom is trust worthy to keep the submissive safe from physical harm.

In this way, BDSM provides an opportunity for everyone to experiment with taking and surrendering power, while always feeling safe and cared for. People who enjoy BDSM say it results in amazing erotic intensity.

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Learning the Ropes

Before experimenting with BDSM, get some instruction. Read a book, take a class, visit Web sites or clubs. Have a Dominant mentor you and train you in the art of submission.

It takes extensive negotiation to arrive at mutually agreeable BDSM play. Before every scene, players must negotiate all aspects of it, from the players to safe words to everyone’s limits.

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How to Begin

First decide if you're more into S&M or B&D. If the former, then spanking is the way many people begin. If the latter, blindfolding the sub can be fun. 

The skills required for BDSM include trust, clear communication, self-acceptance, and acceptance of the other person. Those same skills that enhance relationships and sex no matter how you play.
 I hope this helps anyone understand better about This Lifestyle of BDSM. 
Written by a Dominant that this submissive knows,  I added some pictures to make it more interesting and to catch your eye ....

I do hope that you enjoyed this article and maybe also learned something new.

Hugs and Kisses 

xoxoxo

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