To Be A Little ...........

                                      To be a "little" is subjective

 

 To be a little is whatever you declare it so,
just as with any other sector of this vast
world of BDSM. What being a "Little" means
to me, is to curl up deep within yourself and
indulge in your truest form; that innocent, 
delicate, and warm softness bubbles up to
the surface, wrapping onto the reality it has
missed some time ago.

Though I must be completely honest, I was 
entirely unaware with it's existence just some
years ago --  my journey in this world is still
learning , yet in these past 5 years I have
learned so much about myself. Through self-
awareness I believe I am still learning to what
 it means to be a "little".

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My Submissive Journey on Submission and Surrender.

Surrender...Not obedience, not service, not compliance...
I think that, ideally, submission leads to surrender and the two become one deeply entwined experience.

It is quite possible to submit without surrendering. But I think that keeps us in the shallow end of possibility.

Surrender is yielding oneself to the power and control of another. It is the ultimate form of letting go. And it can be done also in the form of a friendship, in which if it is just to stressful and hurtful towards you, maybe then you have to let it go.

I think of submissive as a state of mind and/or a way of being. Whereas submitting is an action. Surrendering takes the two and makes them one--it becomes an action that occurs in a certain state of being.

Submission without surrender is easy. It is a place where one can still hold back parts of themselves. It's a physical state that one can enter and leave at will--one's own will.
Submission is allowing the bending of one's own will by another. It is a choice we make. Surrender is that moment where His will becomes mine.

When submission meets surrender personal will yields itself to the will of another. It is no longer a state of mind or an action we take. We enter a state of being beyond the shallow depths of possibility and float in the deep end knowing and trusting that someone else is our life jacket.

Submitting is about trusting the person you submit to. Surrender is taking that trust just a little bit further than we thought possible.
And it's kind of difficult to sit there struggling with surrender, wondering why it comes so hard when you trust someone completely--then you realize that trust isn't implicit. That there is still a touch of doubt here, some reserve there.

I think that is why it is easier to submit to physical events than it is to things like life choices--stuff that challenges how we see ourselves and our place in the world. Because one can submit without surrendering. And in some cases, that is probably the healthy route.

But there is something mind blowing about surrendering to the point where you reach for the bottom and realize you are so far out in the deep end that you can't even see it.

 "Surrendering one step at a time". These are just my thoughts about submission and surrender. I clearly haven't got it all down yet. But I'm working on it.

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BDSM Explaining it ........

Explaining BDSM to a new lover who may not know what it is, or even a friend. How to bring it up without "scaring" them


So let's start with an analogy, a child's game. In the kids game, 'Trust Me' one person stands behind the other. The one in front falls backward, trusting the other to catch them before crashing to the floor. 'Trust Me' contains an element of danger, the risk of not getting caught and getting hurt. The person falling places great trust in the person catching. When the falling player trusts the catcher enough to let go completely, and the catch happens as planned, both players experience a moment of exhilaration that’s difficult to duplicate any other way.




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It’s About Trust

BDSM is similar. The myth is that it’s abusive and weird whips and chains.

Actually it’s about trust. When trust trumps the possibility of harm, the result can feel incredibly intimate and erotic.

There are several terms for BDSM:
Domination-submission (D/s) because one lover has control over the other, at least nominally; sado-masochism (SM), which involves spanking, flogging or other types of intense sensation; and bondage and discipline (BD), which involves restraint. But the current term is BDSM.

Many people consider BDSM perverted, dehumanizing, or worse. But aficionados call it the most loving, nurturing, intimate form of human contact and play. People can have sex without conversation, negotiation, or any emotional connection. But in BDSM, the players always arrange things in advance with clear, intimate communication, which creates a special erotic bond.


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Just another way to make love

But all available evidence shows that the vast majority of BDSM enthusiasts are mentally healthy and typical in every respect, except that they find “vanilla” sex unfulfilling and want something more intense and intimate.

Before condemning BDSM, remember that not too long ago, oral sex and homosexuality were considered “perverse.”

Two to three percent of American adults play with BDSM, most occasionally, some often, and a few 24/7. That’s around 5 million people. Meanwhile, around 20 percent of adults report some arousal from BDSM images or stories.

There are public BDSM clubs and private groups in every major metropolitan area and throughout rural America. Many cities have several.

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Never Abusive

If you’re repulsed by BDSM, don’t play that way. But BDSM imagery pervades society. Henry Kissinger once called power “the ultimate aphrodisiac.” Kings and nations have fought to dominate others. Capitalism assumes a dog-eat-dog world where succeeding means exerting control.

And in sports, players strive to “humiliate” opponents.

But what kind of person feels sexually aroused by pain? Many people who are perfectly normal in every other respect. Again, consider sports: When football players make brilliant plays, teammates often slap their butts, punch them, or slap their helmets. Recipients accept this “abuse” gratefully as a sign of appreciation and affection. Or consider a hike up a mountain. You get sunburned. Thorns scratch your legs. And by the time you reach the summit, you’re aching and exhausted. Yet you feel exhilarated.

Sadly, media BDSM has grossly distorted the pain that submissives experience. It’s more theatrical than real. When performed by ethical, nurturing Dominants, BDSM is never abusive.

It’s always consensual, abuse is not. You don’t need restraints, gags, or whips to abuse someone. In loving hands, the equipment heightens sensual excitement, allowing both players to enjoy their interaction, or “scene,” as good, clean, erotic fun.

When BDSM inflicts real pain, it’s always carefully controlled with the submissive specifying limits clearly beforehand.

Subs are very particular about the kinds of pain. Many prefer to call it an intense sensation that brings them pleasure. They experience the pain of bee stings or a punch in the face exactly like anyone else, and dislike it just as much.

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Safe Words

BDSM is more theatrical than real. Sessions are called “scenes” and participants carefully plan their moves in advance.

First, participants agree on a “safe” word, a stop signal that the sub can invoke at any time. The safe word immediately stops the action, at least until the players have discussed the reason the bottom said it, and have to mutually agree to resume. A popular safe word is “red light.”



Some terms should not be used as safe words: “stop,” “no,” or “don’t” because both Doms and subs often enjoy having subs “beg” Doms to “stop,” knowing that they won’t.

Any Dom who fails to honor pre-arranged safe words violates the subs trust and destroys the relationship. Doms who fail to honor safe words are ostracized from the BDSM community.


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Subs are in charge

Although subs desire being submissive and letting another take charge of them, the irony of BDSM is that the sub is in charge. Bottoms can invoke the stop signal, and Doms vow to obey immediately.

Meanwhile, Doms act Dominant, but they must also be caring and nurturing, taking bottoms to their agreed-upon limit, but never beyond it. Doms do not force any submissive into submission. They nurture the submissive, gain their trust and prove that the Dom is trust worthy to keep the submissive safe from physical harm.

In this way, BDSM provides an opportunity for everyone to experiment with taking and surrendering power, while always feeling safe and cared for. People who enjoy BDSM say it results in amazing erotic intensity.

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Learning the Ropes

Before experimenting with BDSM, get some instruction. Read a book, take a class, visit Web sites or clubs. Have a Dominant mentor you and train you in the art of submission.

It takes extensive negotiation to arrive at mutually agreeable BDSM play. Before every scene, players must negotiate all aspects of it, from the players to safe words to everyone’s limits.

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How to Begin

First decide if you're more into S&M or B&D. If the former, then spanking is the way many people begin. If the latter, blindfolding the sub can be fun. 

The skills required for BDSM include trust, clear communication, self-acceptance, and acceptance of the other person. Those same skills that enhance relationships and sex no matter how you play.
 I hope this helps anyone understand better about This Lifestyle of BDSM. 
Written by a Dominant that this submissive knows,  I added some pictures to make it more interesting and to catch your eye ....

I do hope that you enjoyed this article and maybe also learned something new.

Hugs and Kisses 

xoxoxo

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