White Course ......... Trust in BDSM

             Today we are going to learn about Trust in the BDSM community.

           The other day we discussed Honesty, and Trust goes with Honesty, they 
           Work together, but how do we build up the Trust ? The answer is time.

           According to most vanilla people BDSM is about pain, and the sex. But
           it's not about the pain and the sex, It's about trust and honesty.

The first things I want to say about Trust is that trust comes from your self.

No one can make you trust them. We trust others to the extent that we

trust ourselves, we trust ourselves to make good decisions.

When trust is broken or betrayed, you might feel that is has been so damaged

that you can never trust again. It destroys D/s and relationships and

hobbles one's ability to relate to others because trust is one of the

key foundations in a BDSM relationship.

What does Trust mean is a D/s relationship ?

Trust is one oof the four basic building blocks to any Dominant submissive or

BDSM relationship. A successful BDSM relationship is built on this concept of Trust.

Trust is difficult to define because it means different things to different people.

And it is one of the key foundations in a BDSM relationship.

Whether it is trusting limits that will be respected, trusting of judgement  in 

making decisions, or trusting in aftercare and follow through, there

are a wide diverse range of issues to be considered.

If we look at Webster and his dictionary, we find trust is defined as "Confidence in

the integrity, ability, character, and truth of a person or thing.

One in which confidence is placed. Custody, care.

Something committed into care of another; charge. The condition and resulting

obligation of having confidence placed in one.

Reliance on something in the future, hope.

Reading that definition makes a few people I know wonder if perhaps Mr. Webster

was a participant in this lifestyle. Read through the definition a second time, 

look to see how many of those words are key elements of a Dominant/submissive

or BDSM relationship !!

In finding your Dominant, aren't you looking for someone that fits

this description perfectly ?

As a submissive, you are getting ready to turn your whole life over to Him,

you're expecting Him to have the ability to care for you,

and you're expecting He's been honest and forthright with you.

It doesn't end that simple, it's not just a matter of the Dominant being open

and honest with the submissive. The submissive also has a responsibility

to be just as open with the Dominant.

Regardless of the role in this lifestyle, misleading your partner can only

end up backfiring on you.

Whatever the cost, whatever the effort involved, both the Dominant 

and the submissive must make every effort to always be open,

honest and trustworthy.

If issues are approached in the initial stage of a relationship that you're not quite

ready to reveal to your partner, then that should be stated. 

Don't try to skirt the issue; don't try telling a "white lire" to get around it.

Be open and honest; tell your partner you are not ready to discuss that issue.

Given time, and a bit of patience, as you begin to truly trust your

partner you'll find yourself beginning to open up.

Trust, like love doesn't happen instantly. Yes, we have all learned to develope

a bit of an instinct or inner feeling, and for most of us, more often than not,

if we follow those feelings we'll find we're right. But true unquestioned

trust will take time to establish.

Trust like love, is a verb. When we trust we rely on something or someone we are

trusting. When we can be relied upon we are being trustworthy.

Even though this word is only five letters, it is very big in its meaning and in its function.

In the world of D/s trust is the foundation upon which everything else is built.

Before a submissive can give herself completely to her Dominant she must know that

she can TRUST Him.

The submissive must be able to trust the Dominant to respect the submissive's limits,

and that He will not hurt the submissive. The submissive must know that the

Dominant will always have safety first on His mind, and will not leave

the submissive without the basic necessities of life.

The Dominant must be able to trust the submissive to carry out the needed tasks,

obey, please, and to be fully faithful and safe in the same way that He,

as a Dominant, is expected to do.

Always remember that full and complete trust in your partner will be the

difference between a successful D/s relationship and a

relationship filled with hurt, fear, and anger.

You not going to just let someone tie you up if you don't trust them are you ?

So without Trust in a BDSM relationship you don't have one of the main

building blocks of the very foundation that your D/s relationship is built on.

Be Predictable ---- predictability builds trust.

Be Reliable -- Trust is just another way of saying you can rely on someone.

You trust your Dominant/submissive to do certain things no matter what at all times.

This trust builds security in a Dominant/submissive relationship.

The same thing is true when you are able to depend on all the other things

that happen in a relationship to be just as reliable.

Mean What you say --- Your partner can read your face better than anyone else.

If you are lying, or trying to hide some true feeling by not quite sayinng

all that is on your mind, they will be able to tell. They might even think you

are cheating, which can tear down the trust in your relationship.

When they know they can trust whatever comes out of your mouth without

hesitation, they you are building a bond that can be unshakable.

Have faith in your Dominant/submissive capabilities. In other words, if you believe 

at all  that they are not competent in somethings, or all things they do, your

trust in them will not be solid. If this is the case, you need to be up front with them

on the issues in an honest and loving manner. This will allow you to 

work through this and keep the trust with each other.

Be up front with each other ---- Don't keep anything hidden, nothing should be

privileged and kept from the other. You have to know that sooner or

later all things come to light, and the consequences of not being

completely truthful will kill the trust and ruin your relationship.

Trust your Dominant --- How can your Dominant trust you when you don't 

trust Him ?? Having trust takes two people, and without one person building

trust too, it's like a fish without water.

What happens when you are in an online Dominant/submissive relationship ?

Because then TRUST is the only answer because in most relationships,

the Dominant provides a formal structure that the submissive must  adhere to.

If the relationship is long distance, the Dominant only has the submissive's 

word that they are adhering to boundaries, and truly performing tasks

established by the Dominant.

The Dominant must trust in the submissive's word that they are doing

as they are directed. Sometimes, it is so tempting to merely say, "yes, I

did or didn't do something," when in reality you are telling a lie to make

your life a little easier. The submissive also has to trust that the Dominant

will fulfill their responsibilities to the submissive. If the Dominant does not

fulfill these responsibilities, the submissive may slowly start to rebel, often

not realizing what they are doing until it is too late. The decisions and

choices you make with respect to unsupervised obedience will be your own....

TRUST

means that you as a submissive know that

your Dominant will do he following......

A) Can I as s submissive trust you as my Dominant not to harm me ?

As your submissive, I do trust you  my dominant !

B) Can I as a submissive trust you as my Dominant to keep me safe ?

As your submissive, I do trust you my Dominant to keep me 

safe, and to not harm or hurt me. 

C) Do I as a submissive behave in ways that are trustworthy towards

my Dominant ?

As your submissive, I pray that my behavior will always 

be trustworthy towards my dominant.

D) Will I as the submissive promise to always be trustworthy towards 

my Dominant ?

As your submissive, I promise that I will always be

trustworthy towards my Dominant.

E) A question for the Dominant partner. Will you as my Dominant    

always be trustworthy towards me you submissive ?

This is where my Dominant would answer !!

F) Can you think of a few more questions ? If yes, write them down,

and ask your Dominant !

Will you Sir as my Dominant always truthfully tell me

your submissive, if and when I have ever disrespected,

displeased, disappointed, or lied to you my Dominant ?

Do you my Dominant promise to tell me everything that

I need to know truthfully, honestly, and lovingly ??

💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

Master Jamy

Today's to do list :

1) After reading everything today spend a few moments thinking about trust, and 

then please answer all the about question's in you discussion section of 

your file, and send the answers you came up with to your Dominant.

2) Write abut trust in your discussion section of your file and send a photo of it to

your Dominant.

3) Write trust on your Ice cream stick and keep it.

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Trust                                  Day 08/30

Trust is one of the most important things in the building blocks

in an relationship. A Dominant needs to be able to trust His 

submissive. It goes the same way for the submissive, she

needs her Dominant's trust in her and she needs to fully

trust her Dominant, to do what is right for them. 

In the lifestyle of BDSM without trust there is no relationship.

You need to be able to trust your partner, not only to be open,

truthful and honest with yourself and with your Dominant.

The same goes for the Dominant as well.

The submissive needs to have complete trust in her Dominant

that He will keep her safe, never harm her and that He

will protect, love ,respect, cherish His submissive.

If you don't trust ( or as of yesterday, I got confused and had 

doubted my Sir's message (March 29, 2018)) your Dominant, 

your life could be in danger, and you could end up like I did

years ago, end up in a hospital fighting for my life. 

Trust and doubt go together, and when you doubt your Dominant

you risk the relationship . 

TRUST is important !!!!

☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁

I hope you enjoyed reading my lessons on Trust, Honesty, Respect...

I learned a valuable lesson yesterday

I disappointed my Sir because of Doubt

As a submissive that is the most crushing feeling that He is disappointed

in you. And today as I reflect over it all, I can feel His

disappointment in me by His silent and quite words.

I just hope and pray that Sir will forgive me and we can work through it.

I accept His choice of punishment for this submissive. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

       

White Course ...... Respect in BDSM

               Today we are going to learn about Respect in the BDSM community, 
                   because Respect is very important in the lifestyle.

Don't expect respect, earn it !!

One of the biggest rules is to have respect for your Dominant and

those around Him at all times. Failure to do so not only embarrasses

those around you, but your Dominant as well.

To embarrass your Dominant is to cause shame not only on Him

but to yourself.

Respect, is to have an attitude of esteem towards; show or have 

respect for one's Dominant, to pay proper attention to show 

consideration for your Dominant and to treat Him courteously or

kindly, and for a Dominant not violate and ti respect the 

submissive's boundaries to.

When you are a newbie submissive entering into the BDSM lifestyle

you hear a lot about 'consent' and 'intent' and how to play safely.

What we don't seem to hear enough about is respect. Respect is one

of the key values that keep what we do as kinksters from being abusive.

Without respect, there is no honor and no trust. Without respect intent

becomes another pave stone in hell, and consent is meaningless.

But, as submissive's, we have an extra responsibility to ourselves,

our training, and most of all, our Dominant's, to think before we speak,

even in highly volatile or emotional periods.

If we think before speaking, then when we do say something while

emotional or angered it will come out calm and respectful towards your Dominant.

A word about respect : With a modest and unassuming attitude,

offer respect where it is due. You need to have respect for yourself

before you can respect others.

It means you behave in such a way that you can get up with 

yourself in the morning and go to bed with yourself at night knowing

you made the best choices you could.

"Respect" does not mean "submission".

Granting others the place they have chosen for themselves does

not make you indebted to them, nor does it indicate your

full agreement with their ways.

Don't use respect as a "gift". Simply offer it.

Don't use respect as a "weapon".

Those who don't deserve your respect will lose it, but it shouldn't

be dangled like a carrot. The idea that everyone must work to

"ear" your respect is disrespectful in itself.

Everyone deserves respect unless they prove themselves 

unworthy of it.

Being a submissive means : to give all of yourself and to be setting

an example to those around you. Behaving in a manner not befitting

a submissive shows your training and extends to your Dominant.

People will think of Him as to soft and unworthy of leadership.

Therefore a submissive should always behave a model for others to

follow. A Dominant's teachings should be ever present in her

everyday activities including in public.

Always use the proper for of address in BDSM spaces. No one but

your Dominant needs to be addressed as "Master". 

However, all Master's and Dominant's should be addressed as

"Ma'am" or "Sir" regardless of their age, their experience or how

you personally feel about them. If they don't wish to be addressed

by title, they will tell you so. (If you have had an unpleasant 

personal experience with someone, and therefore truly believe

they are undeserving of your respect, ask your Master's/Dominant's

permission before excluding a title).

The main thing to remember is to always think before you speak.

Always remember your place and the respect you have for

your Dominant, other people and yourself.

Unless you are a member of the BDSM Regulatory Board, it is not your

place to determine a person's stature or to decide if they meet the

requirements for "Master" or "Dominant" or "slave" or "top" 

or "bottom" etc. No one has to meet your requirements unless you

are directly involved with them. In the absence of a structured

method of community collaboration regarding titles, it is prudent

to assume each person deserves your respect.

Respect ---- a prerequisite for trust.

Respect MUST go both ways !!!

This not only applies to the submissive respecting the Dominant;

but also applies to the Dominant respecting the submissive.

BEING SUBMISSIVE DOESN'T MEAN BEING A DOORMAT !!!

Outsiders may see a Dominant apparently treating a submissive 

without respect. This is simple not true !!

All D/s Relationships should be within the SSC code

i.e. -- Safe, Sane, and Consensual.

Certainly all those naughty schoolgirls seeking control and punishment 

must be adults because a child is defined as a person under 18

years of age and cannot give a valid consent.

If you're a submissive playing with a Dominant who doesn't respect

your self-esteem as well as your physical self, then you may be

involved with an abusive rather than an ethical Dominant.

Rethinking your continued involvement in this relationship is

strongly encouraged !!

Once you become more respectful in your everyday life, 

others will notice and follow.

Both equally need and deserve respect from one another.

Respecting each other is also a prerequisite for trust.

By following these simple tips, it can help you earn the respect of 

your peers and your Dominant.

Don't let emotions get the best of you. To earn respect, you must be

willing to remain calm and collected regardless of the situation.....

Show that you are a leader .........

You are a problem solver ..........

Earn respect by giving it ..........

Keep your word ......................

1) Keep you promises.  this is by far one of the most important actions

you can take to start gaining respect. If you took commitments

lightly in the past, don't do that anymore.

2) Stop apologizing.  People who are constantly saying, "I'm Sorry,"    

without giving it a second thought are usually not the ones that 

are well respected. There is a time and place for apologies. 

Sometimes you make mistakes that affect family and friends. 

You can apologize to them. Meanwhile, stop using the word

"sorry"  a hundred times an hour for every little thing that

goes wrong, especially in the workplace.

3) Don't waste other people's time.  If you respect others' time, they    

will respect yours. This includes not being late for appointments, not

spending meetings talking about useless items, getting to the point

fast, bringing us issues right away, being succinct, and of course,

making it easier for others to make decisions, especially when they

are busier than you.

4) Stop gossiping immediately.  Always act as if the person you're         

talking about is right there with you. You need to respect others

even if you don't like them.

5) Practice humility.  You're not always going to be right, and you're not

the best at everything. Every person you meet can teach you something.

Confidence doesn't come from a place where you're the best. True

confidence comes from understanding humility, and that every 

person has something unique to offer to the world, including you.

6) Stand up for someone else.  When you see injustice around you, do not

ignore it in order to avoid confrontation ? Sometimes you have no

choice, but there are moments when you need to stand up for others,

especially when they cannot stand up for themselves. You don't need

to please everyone. Don't be afraid of confrontation once in a while,

as long as you do it in a diplomatic way.

7) Stop talking.  Sometimes you need to stop talking and listen.  People  

who talk endlessly without pause are not usually respected ( with 

very few exceptions). Listen to others. Stop talking about yourself

all the time. Genuinely listen to people --- really listen and try to 

understand them. Use silence to your advantage. Not every pause

should be filled up with noise. Taking a moment to consider a thing

before you open your mouth is almost always going to command 

respect.

8) Care about others.  Start caring about others. Pay attention to your      

surroundings and the people in your life, whether it is at work, home,

or church. Genuinely caring about other and showing concern during

times of need shows empathy----a powerful trait of good leadership.

It shows that you don't only focus on yourself, and that you have the

emotional capability to pay attention and give help when needed. Not

everyone can do this, which is why it is so powerful.

9) Control your emotions.  Make sure to curb your instant reactions to       

things that make you highly emotional---whether it is good or bad. 

Sure, it's OK to be yourself and show enthusiasm. But remember that

good leaders and well-respected people know the difference between

responding and reacting. The latter is not a good habit.

Questions :

1. Do you show respect ?

Yes I try to always show respect to others.

2. Will you as the Dominant/submissive promise to always be 

respectful toward your Dominant/submissive ?

As the submissive I promise to always be respectful 

towards my Dominant.

As the teaching Dominant I promise to always

show respect and be respectful towards

you as a submissive.

Today's to do list :

1) Please answer all the above questions in your discussion section of     

your file, and send it to your, and send it to your Dominant

after reading everything.

2) Write about respect in your discussion section of your file, and send    

a photo of it to your Dominant.

3) Write respect on your Ice cream stick and keep it.  

Master Jamy                                                                                       

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

Respect                            Day 09/30

To get respect you need to earn it ! But you can show respect 

through your actions and by what you say.

Respect goes both ways from the submissive as well as the

Dominant.

One of the biggest rules in this lifestyle is to have respect for

your Dominant and to those around your Dominant at all times.

Failure to do so not only embarrasses those around you, but

your Dominant as well. To embarrass your Dominant is to 

cause shame, not only to your Dominant, but to yourself.

Respect does not mean --- submission. Never use respect as 

a gift. Never us respect as a weapon against your Dominant.

The submissive can show respect through :

by calling my Dominant, Master or Sir

by trusting my Dominant, He does it for my good

by keeping my word to my Dominant

by listening to my Dominant

by controlling my emotions and staying calm.

This all makes total sense that if I want to be respected by others,

or by my Dominant, I need to show them that I respect

them through my actions. It's a two way street.

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White Course --- Honesty in BDSM

I thought it might be nice to do a Documentary of the courses that I have taken so far .....

I have learned so much more of myself, than I did in actual life relationships.

Those real life relationships were not in a loving, guiding way.....they were abusive and

I only learned what I did not like....being lied to....used as a beating post....you might as

well call it rape because it was not consensual ...... I learned to distrust..... I learned to 

believe that I was unworthy of a loving, kind, safe, honest, guiding, relationship and I 

was taught by these abusive relationships that I was just a vessel to be used and abused.

Then I found this online submissive learning course and it showed me there is a differnt

way that the community of BDSM, that it is not of abuse. That the true community of 

Dominants and submissive's is based out of Honesty, Trust, Communication, Respect,

Safety, Loving, Protective, Sane and Consensual. This is the start of the courses that I 

was taking and I didn't get to finish them before the owner decided to remove the 

website and the blogspot of the site along with the Facebook page, and with no 

communication of this fact.

These online submissive learning courses showed me and gave me the courage to ask

questions of my last Master. Even though it always brought on punishment for even

asking a question. With eventually having the courage to stand up to my last abusive

Master and tell him that I no longer will accept his abusive ways and that I am worthy

and I have the right to be respected, loved, protected, trusted, and cared for, given guidance

to, trained in my Dominant's ways,  as a female  and as a submissive.

This is also an excellent refresher course for all that I have learned and now I feel good

about sharing it with you all. 💝💝💝💝💝💝

White Course :    Honesty in BDSM

A Dominant/submissive relationship without honesty is not worth having, because lets face it

if your not being honest with one another, how is the relationship going to work. I fee that 

honesty in a Dominant/submissive relationship is by far one of the most important aspects of

the relationship. I feel that at all times, both the Dominant and the submissive must be honest.

A falsehood can be extremely detrimental to the level of trust.

I expect full honesty and I am sure so would you expect that, so if the Dominant and the 

submissive are being honest then the rest will be so much better.

Having discovered that someone was not honest to you can turn your whole relationship

around and it can also take away the trust you felt and the confidence you initially had in the

relationship. Finding our your Dominant/submissive is not being honest with you can even 

end a relationship !

If it was not for honesty, trust would be a distant thing, honesty and trust are traits that we 

respect. Unfortunately, in today's society and especially in personal relationships, the concepts 

of  honesty and trust are nearly extinct. However, there are those who still hold on to these

traditional values. The ideals of honesty and trust still exist, they will never truly disappear.

It is up to the  BDSM community to lead the way back to the growth of these noble ideals.

A true BDSM relationship that is based on the nurturing of honesty and trust in both 

partners can be an example to the whole community.

Having a relationship in life is difficult at the best of times. Adding in the complexity

of  BDSM is enough to throw anyone for a loop. The bottom line is that relationships

are only as easy or difficult as you make them.

So by staying honest and letting your Dominant know you will always be honest with

Him as He is with you will make a world of difference to your relationship.

It is especially important to understand that the submissive needs to be open and 

forthright with her Dominant. Failing to convey emotions, feelings, frustrations, hurts,

and concerns can result in a dishonest or deceitful by omission. Failing to provide your

Dominant with information can be just as dishonest as outright lying.

A Dominant need not tell His submissive all that He knows. He may reserve information

at His discretion, however, any and all information presented to His submissive 

must always be the truth. Lies should not be tolerated in any form.

The release of power you gave to your Dominant when you became His submissive

should make it easy to be honest with Him as it was your decision and you gave it to

Him. So by withholding the truth from Him, you not only create barrier in your

relationship but you insult Him in a way a submissive rarely can insult their Dominant.

You insult Him by not trusting Him enough to be open and honest with Him.

Honesty is the basis for trust in any relationship, especially a D/s relationship. The 

relationship will suffer greatly as soon as the first lie is told, because when lies of any sort 

are happening in any relationship and particularly once they are discovered they

undermine the whole foundation.

Quote 

If the submission is not based on honesty the Dominant cannot predict its outcome.

If He can't predict the outcome He's not on top. If He's not on top He's not 

Domming.  So -- If Dominant/submission is not honest it's not happening.

💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

1. What are your expectations from a Dominant/submissive regarding honesty ?

My expectations are that both Dominant and submissive be

completely honest with each other.

2. Do you think that lying is ever OK ?

No, I do not by either Dominant or submissive !!

3. Will you as the submissive promise to always be honest with your Dominant ?

Yes I promise.

4. Will you as the Dominant promise to always be honest with your submissive ?

Master Jamy                                                                                                             

Today's to do list :

1. Please answer all the above question's in the discussion section of your submissive file,

and send them to your Dominant/submissive after reading everything.

2. On another sheet of paper write the above submissive quote and put it in the discussion

section of your submissive file, and show your Dominant.

3. Write about how you feel about honesty and place it in your discussion section of your

submissive file, and send a photo of it to your Dominant.

4. Write honesty on your Ice cream stick and keep it.

My Submissive File

Sticks

Discussion Section Divider

White Bracelet Collar

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