Submissive Training Course
White Day 11/30
Communication in BDSM
What will you need to complete today ?
Paper and Pen
1x Ice cream stick painted white.
Today we are going to learn about Communication in BDSM relationships.
Being able to communicate effectively is the most important of all life shills.
Communication is simply the act of transferring information from one place
to another, whether this be vocally, written, visually or non-verbally.
How well this information can be transmitted and received is a measure of
how good your communication skills are.
Developing your communication skills can help all aspects of your life, from
your professional life to social gatherings and everything in between. The
ability to communicate information accurately, clearly and as intended, is a
vital life skill and something that should not be overlooked. It's never too late
to work on your communication skills and by doing so improve your quality
of life.
What is the most important thing is true BDSM relationship ? One can say
the scenery plays a major role, others will probably say it's the good knowledge
of the partner's roles; some may even suggest it's the use of right BDSM toys
that rules the play. With all of these, one thing can be said for sure, there are
no effective and successful relationships within BDSM relationships without
good communication skills.
The most important thing in a true BDSM relationship is Communication.
What is good communication in BDSM relationships ?
Good communication is what we learn throughout our life and what is quite
a difficult task is for those who are not willing to cooperate. It's a mistaken idea
that BDSM relationships are about beating, torturing, punishment and all the
stuff, this outward vision often hides something more important, which is in
any way a basis for any relationships.
I personally wish people would find out more about the lifestyle before they
think this.
Communication is the most important aspect of a D/s relationship; it can
either make or break most relationships, including you D/s relationship.
You can improve your D/s relationship today, right now, by putting into practice
some of these tips for improving the communication in your relationship.
1,) Stop and listen to your Dominant/submissive.
2.) Force yourself to hear.
3.) Be open and honest with your partner.
4.) Pay attention to nonverbal signals.
5.) Stay focused in the here and now.
6.) Try to minimize emotion when talking about important, big decisions.
7.) Be ready to cede an argument.
8.) Humor and playfulness usually help.
9.) Communicating is more than just talking.
To communicate better and more effectively in your relationship, you don't only
have to talk. You can communicate in other ways like through your actions, and
nowadays, electronically too (through email, Face book, blog's, texting, Twitter,
messaging, or hangouts).
All too often, couples focus only on the talking aspect of their relationship, but
your actions also speak loudly. Keeping in touch throughout the day or week
through email or other electronic means also reminds the person you're thinking
about them and how important they are in your life. Even if such communications
are mainly playful or inconsequential, they can help lighten your partner's day
and improve their mood.
Some couples also find that using email or another method is easier to discuss
emotional issues rather than trying to do so face-to-face.It's something to
consider if every time you try and bring up a particular topic with your significant
other, it turns into an argument or they shy away from it. Email or texting may be
a way of communicating about such matters openly and directly.
Nobody is a perfect communicator all the time. But you can work to become a
better communicator by trying a few of these tips. They won't all work, nor will
they work all the time. Better communication, however, starts with one person
making the effort to improve, which often encourages the other to come along
for the ride.
Communication is vital to the BDSM lifestyle, and you cannot effectively
communicate if everybody isn't using the same language.
What do you get from effective communication ?
I get a better understanding of things and less misunderstandings.
It's the effective communication that distinguishes successful relationships from
just a rough talk without any goals. What every communication act is basically
aimed at is a result where both parties get what they expected from the very
beginning and maybe more. So what are the benefits of good communication ?
The benefits are it gives me the opportunity to make a connection in a
BDSM relationship deeper and stronger. I get the notion of what my partner;
either (me) the submissive or my Dominant particularly wants. It also
builds that special bond built between us on trust and mutual respect.
Good communication also includes :
1. Work on trust.
The first things about building D/s relationship that are going to last is to have
faith in each other. It can take you a while before you feel the other side can be
trusted. In fact with the time trust is becoming stronger in the long run, unless
you make an effort to ruin it. If you try to keep things secret it can be ok for some
situations, but when you just don't reveal your true intentions and feelings it's
another pair of shoes. It's clearer when you say it directly about you likes and
dislikes, your thoughts and intentions. That's how a trust is built on and that's
the communication which makes the relationship work for their purpose.
2. Make it clear and precise.
A lot of disputes and misunderstandings have their roots in the communication
which was not clear or precise. A steady flow of vague words are making the
conversation incomprehensible. If you have something to say just do it in a
direct manner. Try to get to the core of the matter and make precise orders or
give more comprehensive answers.
3. Learn to listen.
Give your partner time to talk out until he/she has said everything. Interrupting
the other half way shows your disrespect for them. it is sometimes hard to put
your deep emotions into words that's why listening carefully means you are
calmly listening to your partner and make a pause before giving any answer.
4. Give a feedback.
It is also important not only to listen but to give a feedback to the one your
talking to. Since all of us have our own perceptions and put different meanings
into words, clarifying what has been said is useful to find a common ground. In
order to really understand whether you got it right, it's useful to say it over again
to your partner. It is better to make things clear right away and don't put it off
till the misunderstandings will accumulate and your communication will turn into
claims.
5. Keep your emotions under control.
Never consider BDSM play if you feel you are loosing control of your emotions.
Being angry, stressed or frustrated is no good for successful communication
especially where the risk takes its place. THIS IS ESPECIALLY TRUE FOR THE
DOMINANT AS HE IS THE ONE TO RULE THE GAME.
What is Healthy and Unhealthy Communication ?
Healthy Communication is:
1. Make communication time a priority, Listen actively.
2. Maintain eye contact ( as much as is possible).
3. Maintain a clear perspective of the past, present & future.
4. Be honest and don't assume anything.
5. When in doubt ask for more information.
6. Take time out if things get too intense, but always agree to come back and
talk about the feelings.
7. Refrain from blaming or shaming.
Unhealthy Communication is:
1. Shows resentment, is inflexible.
2. Withdrawals both emotionally and physically, blaming the other person.
3. Escalates discussions into arguments, evades important issues.
4. Is dishonest.
5. Assumes the partner knows your desires, thoughts and needs, and is angry
when they get it wrong.
6. Spends more time interrupting, rather than listening.
Try assertive speech -- Assertive speech is a type of communication in which
individuals clearly state their opinions and feelings, and firmly advocate for their
rights and needs without violating the rights of others.
It is noted that assertive speech is a tool that is exceptionally useful to both D-
types and s-types and is a foundational skill for healthy BDSM relationships.
1) Will you as the submissive promise to always communicate well with your
Dominant or training Dominant ?
I Sarah as the submissive promise to always communicate well with my
Dominant and training Dominant.
2) Will you as the Dominant or training Dominant promise to always communicate
well with your submissive ?
I Master Jamy promise to always communicate with you as my submissive.
3) Do you feel that communication is important ?
I Sarah believe communication is very important, without good
communication things can break down.
I Master Jamy, yes I do and strong communication builds a good
relationship and is vital for anything to work in life.
Master Jamy
Today's to do list :
1). Please answer the above questions in your discussion section of your file
and send them to your Dominant/submissive after reading everything.
These questions have been answered above in red for my blog.
2). Write about this in your discussion section of your file and send a photo
of it to your Dominant.
3). Write communication on a white ice cream stick, take a photo of it and send
it to your Dominant, keep the stick, this will be used soon.
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Communication Discussion Day 11/30
White Course.
Good communication between a Dominant and His submissive can have
some great benefits. Good communication can make their connection
stronger and deeper and also much more comfortable. With good communication
you also get to know your partner better, you can know what either the
Dominant or submissive particularly wants, needs, or desires. Communication
builds trust and respect between the Dominant/submissive and helps bonds
them stronger.
So with good communication you learn to listen better and give some feed
back on the conversation, then you get clear and precise communication with
keeping your emotions under control, this also build trust.
Also with all of this good communication your building trust in each other,
learning to listen to what is being said and giving feedback on about the
conversation and keeping you emotions under wrap and making sure that you
have explained everything in clear and precise understanding.........then you
should have a healthy and happy relationship in your Dominant/submissive
relationship with always trusting and respecting each other.
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Thank you for reading my lesson on Communication
I hope you enjoyed reading it
and maybe learned something ! !
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