Today we are going to learn about Respect in the BDSM community,
because Respect is very important in the lifestyle.
Don't expect respect, earn it !!
One of the biggest rules is to have respect for your Dominant and
those around Him at all times. Failure to do so not only embarrasses
those around you, but your Dominant as well.
To embarrass your Dominant is to cause shame not only on Him
but to yourself.
Respect, is to have an attitude of esteem towards; show or have
respect for one's Dominant, to pay proper attention to show
consideration for your Dominant and to treat Him courteously or
kindly, and for a Dominant not violate and ti respect the
submissive's boundaries to.
When you are a newbie submissive entering into the BDSM lifestyle
you hear a lot about 'consent' and 'intent' and how to play safely.
What we don't seem to hear enough about is respect. Respect is one
of the key values that keep what we do as kinksters from being abusive.
Without respect, there is no honor and no trust. Without respect intent
becomes another pave stone in hell, and consent is meaningless.
But, as submissive's, we have an extra responsibility to ourselves,
our training, and most of all, our Dominant's, to think before we speak,
even in highly volatile or emotional periods.
If we think before speaking, then when we do say something while
emotional or angered it will come out calm and respectful towards your Dominant.
A word about respect : With a modest and unassuming attitude,
offer respect where it is due. You need to have respect for yourself
before you can respect others.
It means you behave in such a way that you can get up with
yourself in the morning and go to bed with yourself at night knowing
you made the best choices you could.
"Respect" does not mean "submission".
Granting others the place they have chosen for themselves does
not make you indebted to them, nor does it indicate your
full agreement with their ways.
Don't use respect as a "gift". Simply offer it.
Don't use respect as a "weapon".
Those who don't deserve your respect will lose it, but it shouldn't
be dangled like a carrot. The idea that everyone must work to
"ear" your respect is disrespectful in itself.
Everyone deserves respect unless they prove themselves
unworthy of it.
Being a submissive means : to give all of yourself and to be setting
an example to those around you. Behaving in a manner not befitting
a submissive shows your training and extends to your Dominant.
People will think of Him as to soft and unworthy of leadership.
Therefore a submissive should always behave a model for others to
follow. A Dominant's teachings should be ever present in her
everyday activities including in public.
Always use the proper for of address in BDSM spaces. No one but
your Dominant needs to be addressed as "Master".
However, all Master's and Dominant's should be addressed as
"Ma'am" or "Sir" regardless of their age, their experience or how
you personally feel about them. If they don't wish to be addressed
by title, they will tell you so. (If you have had an unpleasant
personal experience with someone, and therefore truly believe
they are undeserving of your respect, ask your Master's/Dominant's
permission before excluding a title).
The main thing to remember is to always think before you speak.
Always remember your place and the respect you have for
your Dominant, other people and yourself.
Unless you are a member of the BDSM Regulatory Board, it is not your
place to determine a person's stature or to decide if they meet the
requirements for "Master" or "Dominant" or "slave" or "top"
or "bottom" etc. No one has to meet your requirements unless you
are directly involved with them. In the absence of a structured
method of community collaboration regarding titles, it is prudent
to assume each person deserves your respect.
Respect ---- a prerequisite for trust.
Respect MUST go both ways !!!
This not only applies to the submissive respecting the Dominant;
but also applies to the Dominant respecting the submissive.
BEING SUBMISSIVE DOESN'T MEAN BEING A DOORMAT !!!
Outsiders may see a Dominant apparently treating a submissive
without respect. This is simple not true !!
All D/s Relationships should be within the SSC code
i.e. -- Safe, Sane, and Consensual.
Certainly all those naughty schoolgirls seeking control and punishment
must be adults because a child is defined as a person under 18
years of age and cannot give a valid consent.
If you're a submissive playing with a Dominant who doesn't respect
your self-esteem as well as your physical self, then you may be
involved with an abusive rather than an ethical Dominant.
Rethinking your continued involvement in this relationship is
strongly encouraged !!
Once you become more respectful in your everyday life,
others will notice and follow.
Both equally need and deserve respect from one another.
Respecting each other is also a prerequisite for trust.
By following these simple tips, it can help you earn the respect of
your peers and your Dominant.
Don't let emotions get the best of you. To earn respect, you must be
willing to remain calm and collected regardless of the situation.....
Show that you are a leader .........
You are a problem solver ..........
Earn respect by giving it ..........
Keep your word ......................
1) Keep you promises. this is by far one of the most important actions
you can take to start gaining respect. If you took commitments
lightly in the past, don't do that anymore.
2) Stop apologizing. People who are constantly saying, "I'm Sorry,"
without giving it a second thought are usually not the ones that
are well respected. There is a time and place for apologies.
Sometimes you make mistakes that affect family and friends.
You can apologize to them. Meanwhile, stop using the word
"sorry" a hundred times an hour for every little thing that
goes wrong, especially in the workplace.
3) Don't waste other people's time. If you respect others' time, they
will respect yours. This includes not being late for appointments, not
spending meetings talking about useless items, getting to the point
fast, bringing us issues right away, being succinct, and of course,
making it easier for others to make decisions, especially when they
are busier than you.
4) Stop gossiping immediately. Always act as if the person you're
talking about is right there with you. You need to respect others
even if you don't like them.
5) Practice humility. You're not always going to be right, and you're not
the best at everything. Every person you meet can teach you something.
Confidence doesn't come from a place where you're the best. True
confidence comes from understanding humility, and that every
person has something unique to offer to the world, including you.
6) Stand up for someone else. When you see injustice around you, do not
ignore it in order to avoid confrontation ? Sometimes you have no
choice, but there are moments when you need to stand up for others,
especially when they cannot stand up for themselves. You don't need
to please everyone. Don't be afraid of confrontation once in a while,
as long as you do it in a diplomatic way.
7) Stop talking. Sometimes you need to stop talking and listen. People
who talk endlessly without pause are not usually respected ( with
very few exceptions). Listen to others. Stop talking about yourself
all the time. Genuinely listen to people --- really listen and try to
understand them. Use silence to your advantage. Not every pause
should be filled up with noise. Taking a moment to consider a thing
before you open your mouth is almost always going to command
respect.
8) Care about others. Start caring about others. Pay attention to your
surroundings and the people in your life, whether it is at work, home,
or church. Genuinely caring about other and showing concern during
times of need shows empathy----a powerful trait of good leadership.
It shows that you don't only focus on yourself, and that you have the
emotional capability to pay attention and give help when needed. Not
everyone can do this, which is why it is so powerful.
9) Control your emotions. Make sure to curb your instant reactions to
things that make you highly emotional---whether it is good or bad.
Sure, it's OK to be yourself and show enthusiasm. But remember that
good leaders and well-respected people know the difference between
responding and reacting. The latter is not a good habit.
Questions :
1. Do you show respect ?
Yes I try to always show respect to others.
2. Will you as the Dominant/submissive promise to always be
respectful toward your Dominant/submissive ?
As the submissive I promise to always be respectful
towards my Dominant.
As the teaching Dominant I promise to always
show respect and be respectful towards
you as a submissive.
Today's to do list :
1) Please answer all the above questions in your discussion section of
your file, and send it to your, and send it to your Dominant
after reading everything.
2) Write about respect in your discussion section of your file, and send
a photo of it to your Dominant.
3) Write respect on your Ice cream stick and keep it.
Master Jamy
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Respect Day 09/30
To get respect you need to earn it ! But you can show respect
through your actions and by what you say.
Respect goes both ways from the submissive as well as the
Dominant.
One of the biggest rules in this lifestyle is to have respect for
your Dominant and to those around your Dominant at all times.
Failure to do so not only embarrasses those around you, but
your Dominant as well. To embarrass your Dominant is to
cause shame, not only to your Dominant, but to yourself.
Respect does not mean --- submission. Never use respect as
a gift. Never us respect as a weapon against your Dominant.
The submissive can show respect through :
by calling my Dominant, Master or Sir
by trusting my Dominant, He does it for my good
by keeping my word to my Dominant
by listening to my Dominant
by controlling my emotions and staying calm.
This all makes total sense that if I want to be respected by others,
or by my Dominant, I need to show them that I respect
them through my actions. It's a two way street.
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